Ive been debating if i wanted to share my story. I have mix emotions about it honestly & im finally coming to peace with it. Let me do an quick summary, Hi i’m the youngest daughter of 8 sibling. No we all don’t have the same mom. Hopefully you can see where this story is headed. Growing up i didn’t get to see my older sisters or little brother as much I hopes or even dream i could. Crazy part is i was always near by. I was raised by my mom & my older brother dad on my mom side. Which was fine until june of my 6th grade year. My life got turned around i found out that the man who raised me wasn’t my real dad & that the man who was my real dad wanted to get to know & be in my life. At first i thought it would’ve be fine what could hurt until i realized what i was losing. I was losing one father for another one & at the age of 11 that was a lot to handle you know. I was scared i was hurt & i felt unwanted & unloved. I told myself that everyday for YEARS. YEARS okay! I thought my whole life was a lie i couldn’t trust no one. Because how could someone allow me to get so close to man who i thought was my dad just to get him taken away. I grew anger for my real father because why didn’t come get me sooner. Was i not good enough? Was i not smart enough or pretty enough? Did he not want me? I thought i was worth being lovee don’t you think?! dad why didn’t get you your babygirl sooner ?!! you could’ve saved me so much pain & heart ache. I needed to know the truth sooner. I forced into visitation with my real dad. No it didn't go well. it was awkward & uncomfortable, i was too stubborn to forgive or even try & understand what was story or reasoning behind anything. I just knew he abandoned me & for that he could never be forgiven. Fast forward to high school. I got a message from a young lady saying she was my sister. it felt like the movies lol but it was real. she found & reached out. I was truly happy, i remember being super young & i would always go to her lol she was my favorite sister. we got caught up & we started to know each other. it started off slow but over the years we gotten wayy closer! I remember during them years she would speak highly of our dad but also still keep it real & i appreciate that. I felt a little left out because i wasn’t in none of the family stories of memories but i knew her intentions was pure. It was because of her I felt comfortable trying to rekindle a bond with my dad. It took some years & alot of tears prayers & patience. But this summer was when i was able to get an breakthrough. Thanks to my big sister! i told her i just wanted closure on everything that happened. She told me that dad would tell me everything i wanted to know with proof i needed it. So i went & spoke to him & he told me the whole story on what happened. and let me tell you once i got back in the house & let all that information marinate in my mind. I broke down & cried. i thought all theses mean things about him. When he tried he really tried his best & that’s all you can ask of someone. Y’all it hurt me so bad knowing i was such a mean person to him when he was just trying to fix things. At first i blamed him now i blamed myself for not being more opened minded. If i would’ve just gave him a chance maybe things would’ve been different. I thank the lord daily for giving me my big sister. Without her i wouldn’t be where i’m at today! i promise you since the day we got back in contact she haven’t done nothing but help & Guide me. She is my biggest blessing & im FOREVER thankful for her. Without her i wouldnt have gotten my dad back or got to know my nieces and nephew or other siblings. I prayed on this!! I would literally ask god to help me to forgive my dad & he did & now i’m growing stronger bond with him. I can finally put my childhood trauma behind.
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