Submitted Anonymously
I never knew how to deal with grief... I was always numb to it due to my upbringing. Even when relatives passed I would cry one day, and be fine the next. I never had time to process anything, and now I can feel myself... being sad and angry all the time.
WELL WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS:
"I've lost many people in my life but the death of my best friend, is something I haven't recovered from. How long do people grieve?? How long does this feeling in my chest supposed to last?? I grew up with thick skin. Classmates used to die all the time. Gunshots and fireworks sound the same to me and if I wanted to know the difference, I'd jut watch the news. But this... I will be fine and the next I'll cry. A song comes on from my playlist and it literally sparks a memory. I avoid going the same places and yet driving a mile away from the area.. I start having panic attacks..... who told you to leave me bro??!!… why...…. please come back so I can breathe again. Black people suffered enough, and you were my one joy.. God please take me too.."
Thank you for your submission. When I saw I understand your pain...I do. I lost my best friend last year to gun violence. He died in his mother's driveway on the scene. I found out later that day and fell to my knees. I still find myself crying to this day despite it being a year ago. I have him tattooed on my ribs because I felt like he was the one PEACE in my life that was worth it, despite the image of being from a compromised background. I can't bare to go to the same places or drive in the same parts of town without stopping my car and feeling him there. There is no manual for grief; you are not alone.
Despite grief, you do not deserve to leave this Earth, it is not your time. Counseling may not be your first step, but I would love for you to begin building your safety net composed of safe people you can call anytime and outlets you can depend on when you have these grief episodes.
New York based podcast "Black Men Cry Too", discuss these issues on their platform; feel free to give them a listen or even reach out to their page for support.
ALSO. on our mental health resource page if you scroll down, there are safe mental health platforms you can follow and engage in on a daily basis. And if you need a listening ear on a daily basis, utilize the chat box and myself or one of our advocates will respond immediately.
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or Text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
You can also text NAMI to 741-741 to be connected to a free, trained crisis counselor on the Crisis Text Line.
"Why do you think POC need different support? Isn’t death the one thing that impacts us universally? Is a Black mother’s grieving really different from another’s? And my response is and will forever be this: Yes, we all share the experience of grief, but people of color can grieve differently...These days, collective grief and acts of public mourning are present in our lives from every angle. The amount of shared grief is overflowing within our households, our workplaces, our newsfeeds and our communities, and goes into every inch of public and private life."
- "How People Of Color Can Experience Grief Differently Than White People" by: Alicia Forneret
Black, Indigenous and other people of color rely heavily on human connection — both with other individuals and on a community level — in order to survive; therefore grief is not a one size fit all.
There are numerous of stages of grief that we experience and we tend to rush to the final one: ACCEPTANCE. And acceptance does not look the same for everyone. Once you finally process and learn to live with that loss, you've entered that stage, it doesn't mean you're healed. It just mean you're finally on the journey to live each day easier.
If you need assistance getting counseling services, please utilize the Mental Health tab of the website or email us what counseling services you require and your zip code. We are here to help!
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