Submitted by: Jasmine O
*WARNING: sensitive content/trigger warning. Please be advised before continuing*
WELL WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS:
"The first year after my son was born I was not myself. I was so depressed with dealing with the break up, the new house, a newborn; I eventually had to get back to work.
I work in the automotive sales industry, so if you know anything about that, they want your life and full attention. Before my son was in the picture, I worked everyday open to close or later if necessary because that’s what it required. I made the most money I’ve ever made being in this business, but as I was pregnant it became harder. And once my son was born, it was almost impossible to work.
Finding a consistent routine with his dad was so hard because of the breakup. Since his job was working nights while mine was during the day, he was supposed to take care of our son during the day and sleep with him because at the time, that’s all he really did.
Well that became a problem! Eventually, he couldn’t handle it and we got a sitter. It was my sister for awhile until that didn’t work. I was starting to miss work, I couldn’t focus, couldn’t perform to my full potential, I couldn't control my emotions, wondered about my son's well-being throughout the day, argued with my ex, and the list goes on!
One day, my ex and I got into it so bad, he put his hands on me and tried to grab my son from my arms aggressively causing me to almost drop him. He wouldn’t let me leave the house with the baby to just de-escalate the situation and flee to safety. When I did try to leave the house, he shoved me and grab me so hard it left marks. I ended up calling the police so I could leave.
I stayed at my sisters for a couple days until things calmed down because at this point we weren’t together but he was staying until he could move. This would not be the last time that we'd have a domestic situation. Another time he physically attacked me, I locked myself in my room and called my mom out of fear and shock. I was hysterical and wanted to leave safely with my son but couldn’t with him in the house. He was banging and kicking the door all night saying "he would kill me and choke me if he got his hands on me." All I could do was cry, and move all the room furniture in front of the door. I felt like I was losing my mind that this stuff was actually happening.
Keep in mind, my mother lives 8 hours away in Illinois, but she drove down after work and made it the next day at 8am. She immediately came upstairs and saw my ex was asleep on the couch. Once he spotted her, he immediately got up and followed her. She politely said "let me figure out what’s going on and we will be out." He didn’t like that; so he started pushing against the door. My mom again repeated herself and then stated “act your age and let me close the door please .”
That triggered him instantly because imagine a 6 ft 7 man, and my mother is 5’3; he took that statement as a challenge. The final time he pushed against the door, he shoved and grabbed my mom against the wall! Her and I were able to get the door closed to stay away from him. We immediately looked at each other and decided to call the police. This was the only way to ensure anyone's safety.
Four cop cars arrived and MNPD arrested him. They told us to come downtown to file a report and get a restraining order. He was locked up in jail until he made bond; his family proceeded to call me nonstop. The one’s who were aware of his aggressive behavior apologized; except his mother. She proceeded to bash me and curse me out until I hung up.
The same day, my mother and I packed up his car with anything and everything that would fit. I took the house key off his key chain and sent him a-text that that’s where all his stuff is.
From then on out, relying on him was impossible! I had a restraining order until we went to court and my sister watched my son until I got off work. She watched him up until she broke my absolute trust. I found out one Saturday, that my sister was going behind my back allowing my son’s dad to pick up our son. My sister knew about the restraining order that was for both my son and I. I don't know how long it was going on but it was. Her husband called me explaining the situation because my ex had made plans to take my son to Alabama.
I hysterically rushed to get my son while crying because I couldn’t believe this was happening!! AND by my own sister!! We fell out pretty bad after this incident. I felt alone and that everyone was against me. I was being tortured mentally and couldn’t get any true support.
For the first year, I went through this on, top of my ex torturing/harassing me. It took so much power and strength to keep going. There where MANY times I contemplated suicide because it was just too much. I didn’t want to move back to Illinois but at times I felt that was my only option.
Then, I started therapy which helped pull me out of a dark place...
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until he began to involve another woman into this scenario.
Thank you for you submission Jasmine. Your vulnerability and transparency with continuing to share your story is very brave of you. You are a survivor in every way and despite was has happened to you, I am grateful you are able to share your story but to validate those with similar ones as well. The mental and emotional abuse suffered through this journey is not overlooked; you are so strong. I am happy you are thriving for the betterment of yourself and your son.
Jasmine is also the creator of "Single Mom's Network of Nashville". If you need this outlet to meet other women who you can relate to and network with, please follow/like the Facebook page.
If yourself or someone else is dealing with abuse, there is nothing wrong with seeking help.
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
Available 24 Hours A Day/7 Days A Week
Available in English Spanish, and MORE! Interpretation Services are available.
1-800-799-7233
Help with Domestic Violence Information, Options, Counseling, Legal and Shelter Services
Toll FREE: 24hrs. Confidential and Multilingual
Phone: 1-877-863-6338
TTY: 1-877-863-6339
If you are located in the Davidson County of TN, just like Jasmine and are involved in a domestic violence situation, please visit the Family Safety Center. The Family Safety Center (FSC) is one of the largest Family Justice Centers in the country. The FSC increases the safety of victims of domestic and sexual violence, child and elder abuse, and human trafficking by creating a supportive environment for victims to receive free and confidential services from a variety of providers. Walk-ins are welcome.
Free and confidential services provided at the Family Safety Center:
Safety Planning
Danger Assessment
Orders of Protection
Counseling
Crisis Intervention
Shelter/Housing Assistance
Emergency Food Assistance
Children’s Services
Support Groups
Referrals to Partner Agencies
Address Confidentiality Assistance
Domestic Violence Education
Address: 610 Murfreesboro Pike, Nashville, TN 37210 Parking: There is plenty of free parking available at the Family Safety Center. Days and Hours of Operation: Monday – Friday, 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Phone: 615-880-1100 Email: FSCINFO@jisnashville.gov https://ofs.nashville.gov/safety-centers-in-nashville/family-safety-center/
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