The Incarcerated Mind: Losing My Son
Submitted by: "A Woman of The Incarcerated Population"
*WARNING: sensitive content/trigger warning. Please be advised before continuing*
As a mother... you'd expect your kids to bury you, not the other way around. And in my situation..I never got to even say goodbye. My precious baby boy, taken from me by someone he love but attempted to get away from.
WELL WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS:
"One of the most hurtful moments I went through while being locked up, was losing my oldest son... I was on the phone with my daughter, doing a normal check in, when her father stormed into the house screaming. We were both frantic asking what was wrong, and his response was muffled so I couldn't hear it, but I could hear her scream. I kept shouting "what's going on??" .. and the officer told me to quiet down or my time will be up.
I begged them to tell me what was happening.
"He was stabbed, she yelled frantically...(son's name) was stabbed. We have to go."
My heart sank to the floor.
The walk back to my cell, my heart skipped several beats.. I stumbled to the top tier.
And I collapsed on the floor once I returned back to my cell.
I couldn't do anything but wait..
I was so lost in that moment. My baby...
I had to wait until the morning to discover he was gone, and by the hands of his girlfriend. He was finally leaving her. Their relationship was so toxic and she was always high off meth. He wanted to save her and love her.. but she didn't want it for herself. She was high when she stabbed him, probably hallucinating... but how could you forget about my boy?… my precious baby boy.. he loved you.. what did you see when you saw him??
I laid in my bed and cried... I didn't know anything about a furlough at the time until after the funeral.. I just wanted to hold my son one last time, but freely.. not in chains..
And I wanted to be sober.. I relapsed ... hard.. I wanted to join him..
Now? I am not sure how to feel when I go home because he won't be there. Through all of this I know I need to stay focused and sober to be there for my kids and my grandkids. Praying and talking more to my other children helps.. but the void is there..
I can see his smile in the sun when I get time to see it..
I miss you son.... so much... so so much...
I'll be free too...soon.... meet me in the wind when I leave this horrible place. I'll see you at checkpoint."
For the month of May we want to continue the mission of Second Chances and share the stories of the currently incarcerated population and those returned citizens. Those unheard voices matter!
Realize that this population, they are STILL people and their story needs to be heard.
If you can relate to this submitted story, comment and share your own #WWHHW moment.