What Did You Just Say ?!!
Submitted by: M.B
Good Evening #WWHHW Family. I typically don't publish stories at night, but I felt that this evening read was necessary. So grab your wine and prepare to be enlightened.
I would like to shed some light on Domestic Violence.
Domestic violence (also referred to as intimate partner violence (IPV), dating abuse, or relationship abuse) is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.
Domestic violence doesn’t discriminate.
People of any race, age, gender, sexuality, religion, education level, or economic status can be a victim — or perpetrator — of domestic violence. That includes behaviors that physically harm, intimidate, manipulate or control a partner, or otherwise force them to behave in ways they don’t want to, including through physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, or financial control.
Domestic violence stems from a desire to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse is a learned behavior. PERIOD. Some people witness it in their own families growing up in subtle ways due to lack of boundaries; others learn it slowly from friends, movies/pop culture, or structural inequities throughout our society.
Now that you have a thorough meaning and example of what it is.. let's get into it!
WELL WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS:
"Its not new to some that I am acquainted with the domestic violence community...sadly. And not by one, but two relationships. But what's sad is that recently within my experience, as I've become more vocal about my experience, I've been approached and condemned by more WOMEN than men. And within these recent events, I'm realizing this "southern hospitality" is truly a load of shit. I've heard comments such as "well, what did you do to make him hit you?". "it's not like him to act this way but we aren't surprised you brought it out of him." And my favorite "y'all will be back together, sometimes we just need a good smack so we can understand our men's perspective, y'all will be fine."
Well baby, pass me a strait jacket and throw me in an asylum because I am not that crazy to return back to a toxic situation that no only tried to break me, but compromise my safety and values as a woman and mother. Despite me overlooking so much, no one deserves to be abused on any level. Everyone deserves a HEALTHY, LOVING, RESPECTFUL relationship. Unconditional love does not correlate unconditional tolerance! But for other women, to frown upon another who is wanting to break the cycle and wanting protection, whether it was a shove, slap, punch, or flick; why are these distasteful responses warranted?
Today, I received a phone call. (And to be respectful, I'll gently paraphrase the conversation but the context remains the same.) This the call consisted of a request, that would inevitably compromise a legal agreement that is in place. And as the conversation continued, this person was slowly realizing that my boundary was set and I would not budge until further legal notice. And my response was then met with this DELUSIONAL statement: "Years ago, I was hit so hard by my son's father that it shook the whole house. I mean I really felt it all over. But I was so in love I didn't leave, I didn't press charges, and I didn't make him suffer as a father; he still got to see his child. And I moved on to a new relationship. Why can't you do the same, why does he have to suffer?"
To me, this hurt my entire core and translated as: "okay he hit you, so what? Let it go, we've suffered enough, if you love or loved him, you'd drop everything and allow him and us what we want." What hurts the most is, I've grown to adore this woman in every way... And at the end the conversation, in true southern fashion, she stated she is praying that the lord lays it on my heart to stop making my previous partner suffer for his actions and let all legal matters go because that's what he deserves...
So, what do I deserve then?
This was beyond manipulative and disgusting to say the least.. and evident that as usual, my safety as woman and a mother doesn't matter. That even with concrete proof of all the reasons why I deserve protection and peace, it'll never matter to those who are not used to being told no or used to boundaries being set and stood on. Instead of holding THAT person accountable, I'm the preferred target. And rightfully so, in a bias community based off of who knows who and for how long; also in true southern fashion.
I've also realized we are seen as not only the "soft" generation amongst our elders but this southern mentality amongst mental health and any form of violence, are never spoken upon. You simply turn the other cheek... and time should suffice for an apology and that we as victims should simply get over it... "
Violence against women is one of the most widespread, persistent and devastating human rights violations that remains largely unreported due to the impunity, silence, stigma and shame surrounding it. We, as a society, reframe domestic violence in a way that obscures men's violence while placing the burden of responsibility on women.
Those who suffered from domestic violence or any form of abuse from their partner, remember you have a right to be vocal. This is your story.. your truth.. no one else's.
On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men
1 in 3 women have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. This includes a range of behaviors (e.g. slapping, shoving, pushing) and in some cases might not be considered "domestic violence."
1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year, and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this violence
Studies suggest that there is a relationship between intimate partner violence and depression and suicidal behavior.
48.4% of women have experienced at least one psychologically aggressive behavior by an intimate partner.
4 in 10 women have experienced at least one form of coercive control by an intimate partner in their lifetime
17.9% of women have experienced a situation where an intimate partner tried to keep them from seeing family and friends.
18.7% of women have experienced threats of physical harm by an intimate partner.
95% of men who physically abuse their intimate partners also psychologically abuse them.
An employed woman with an unemployed partner is more than twice as likely to be psychologically abused by her partner than a woman with a different employment situation.
Women who earn 65% or more of their households’ income are more likely to be psychologically abused than women who learn less than 65% of their households’ income
The Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, providing essential tools and support to help survivors of domestic violence so they can live their lives free of abuse.
Contacts to The Hotline can expect highly-trained, expert advocates to offer free, confidential, and compassionate support, crisis intervention information, education, and referral services in over 200 languages.
Or go to the website and chat with a LIVE advocate today!
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or Text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
You can also text NAMI to 741-741 to be connected to a free, trained crisis counselor on the Crisis Text Line.
If you can relate to this submitted story, comment and share your own #WWHHW moment. *This forum is not a substitute to getting professional help*