I've Been BAMBOOZLED! Part 3: Co-Parenting Edition
Submitted by: Jasmine O.
*WARNING: sensitive content/trigger warning. Please be advised before continuing*
If you saw my previous stories here, it showed how I was damaged and traumatized by my ex.
I recently made a post in the Facebook group I run, saying “Co-parenting with the same person you’re healing from is not talked about enough”. And It’s not.. I’m sure we have all share similar stories that we are all healing from.
Whether your ex-partner was abusive, manipulative, narcissistic, childish, a cheater; the list goes on.
WELL WHAT HAD HAPPENED WAS:
"My ex was all of those things and more when we were together, to where my first 2 years of being a New Mom was hell. He would taunt me, harass me, pick me apart, call me names, and do things that caused me to question myself. There were times I wanted to end my life because of how much he put me through.
The last time I shared my piece with you all, I left off at how my ex dated someone else months after we broke up. Our son was 3/4 months old at the time and we were going to court to settle child support and a parenting plan.
This girl was brought into something ugly and it was no one’s fault but my exes. I was dealing with postpartum, an ended relationship, the trauma from it, court, and trying to figure out life as a first time mom. The girlfriend would reach out on behalf of my ex to be a “mediator” and try to pick up my son from me.
*Note: I never met the girl or had any intention to because my ex and I just split and I just had his baby.*
I was trying to heal and it was like every time I tried, a bigger wound appeared. It was insane for her to date my ex, which felt like moments after we broke up and had a child. On top of being comfortable reaching out to me. It was madness and immature to have this girl involved and I had to let her know that. They both would tag team me mentally, through text, calls, at exchanges that I had to cut contact.
During this time, we were going to court because he tried hitting me with his car. When we would meet up for pick ups and drop offs, he would throw things at me that belonged to my son. Stand in front of my car to intimidate me or block me in at certain points of parking lots. It came to a point that he would torture me through my son doing things he knew would trigger me.
I had to cut all contact because of the mental toll it was taking on me. My ex would make up excuses not to get our son and blame me, which caused me to figure things out last minute or even miss work. He would trash talk me to his partner and would tell her to reach out to me. It was just a nonstop abusive cycle. He had a red truck and I would panic so bad that seeing any red truck would trigger me. I was so broken mentally, that I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t.
When my ex and his girlfriend, at the time moved in together, I wasn’t okay with my son staying with all the chaos they caused. Plus they would break up often and my ex would get kicked out often. They would physically fight causing the police to be called and who knows what else. My son, being a baby at the time, I didn’t want him in that toxic environment.
I prayed for the day I could be okay and my son’s dad and I be at peace to be in the same room together. I went to therapy for a year to speak on event’s that occurred that caused me anxiety, depression and panic episodes. I questioned my existence to make thing’s easier, but my son needed me. I actually needed him more than he knew and I didn’t want him to end up with his dad at this state.
Fast forward to 2022, my ex had a baby with this girl and they also broke up. When they would break up before, he would do so much better getting his life together, but they always ended up back together. However, he got his own place this time and hasn’t been back because she’s with someone else.
For my son’s 4th birthday we had a party together. He’s been paying his part for our son’s sports and daycare; plus if anything is needed. My ex now gets our son weekly and has been very consistent with getting him more than what we agreed. We do things outside of court and have kept the peace. I’m grateful for us to be in this place for our son because our son can be the happiest he can with two people he love’s coparenting properly.
I say all that to peacefully say, I made it through when I thought I wouldn’t. It took a lot of time, work, and patience in order to heal. I am finally at a point were I can be cool with my son’s dad and have decent conversations. And if you seen from my previous post of him trying to shoot his shot, just remember men, they never change and will try to pull you back into the same cycle. RUN. STAY GUARDED. STAY GROUNDED."
Thank you for you submission Jasmine. I am happy to see this crazy chapter come to a close and with such a better ending than the beginning. I am grateful you are able to share your story but to validate those with similar ones as well. The mental and emotional abuse suffered through this journey is not overlooked; you are so strong.
Jasmine is also the creator of "Single Mom's Network of Nashville". If you need this outlet to meet other women who you can relate to and network with, please follow/like the Facebook page.
If yourself or someone else is dealing with abuse, there is nothing wrong with seeking help.
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
Available 24 Hours A Day/7 Days A Week
Available in English Spanish, and MORE! Interpretation Services are available.
Help with Domestic Violence Information, Options, Counseling, Legal and Shelter Services
Toll FREE: 24hrs. Confidential and Multilingual
If you are located in the Davidson County of TN, just like Jasmine and are involved in a domestic violence situation, please visit the Family Safety Center. The Family Safety Center (FSC) is one of the largest Family Justice Centers in the country. The FSC increases the safety of victims of domestic and sexual violence, child and elder abuse, and human trafficking by creating a supportive environment for victims to receive free and confidential services from a variety of providers. Walk-ins are welcome.
Free and confidential services provided at the Family Safety Center:
Orders of Protection
Emergency Food Assistance
Referrals to Partner Agencies
Address Confidentiality Assistance
Domestic Violence Education
Address: 610 Murfreesboro Pike, Nashville, TN 37210 Parking: There is plenty of free parking available at the Family Safety Center. Days and Hours of Operation: Monday – Friday, 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Phone: 615-880-1100 Email: FSCINFO@jisnashville.govhttps://ofs.nashville.gov/safety-centers-in-nashville/family-safety-center/
If you can relate to this submitted story, comment and share your own #WWHHW moment.